Talkative, not. Awkward, it is.

When I was in my upper form, I did not have many male friends. The only guys I often talk to that time were Wan Mok (anak tauke catering) and his gang, Amar, Toh Kar How, Syafiq & Izzuddin (class monitor).

Then, when entering UiTM, lagilah tak ada lelaki. Eh, ada. First year, in my class available only 4 guys (Hazim, Munawwir, Amirul & Fateh). Fuyooohhh, hebat ingat nama diorang. Second year, no guys & I was surrounded by females dan semangat female chauvinism sangat tinggi masa itu. Kawan perempuan yang tomboy pun boleh jadi awkward. Third year, ada seorang sahaja lelaki (yang pernah dijadikan crush masa first year dulu) masuk kelas kita sebab jadual dia clash. During that time, dah jadi ex-crush sebab tak minat kat dia sebab dia macam menyepi. Yelahhh, dah jadi kelas convent kan. Haha.

Then, I went to Uniten. Everything was different back then. Surrounding by other races in class (UiTM mana ada) Indians, mostly. (memang tak ada Chinese in my class). I was in the class of 30 people and macam balance lah bilangan lelaki & perempuan. Tapi, yang pasti perempuan lebih ramai.

However, when the task should be done by grouping, we already stick at the seat tak nak berpecah kononnya nanti kena group dengan budak lelaki. Haha. But, when the group diatur oleh lecturer, kebanyakannya akan dapat lelaki sebab my first, second & third letter, NAB (close enough to Muhammad). 

Now, when doing some group work project, (mesti bercampur kaum, jantina baru dapat markah lebih) and my male classmates are a bunch of sweethearts. They are very respectful towards female, and they treat me nicely, minding the batas-batas pergaulan. Alhamdulillah, I was given the chance to meet them. But still, I don't have male bestfriend. 

I feel very awkward when grouping with them, actually. Nak cakap dengan Malay guy pun jarang inikan pula satu group dengan the Indians male. Kalau boleh, nak pakai paper bag, buat lubang bahagian hidung sahaja. But, they are very friendly and brave enough to start a conversation with me. Haha. I still remember that time when they labelled me as 'kakak garang'. LOL :D (dapat nickname baru kau). 

Habis kelas, BBM kawan baik kononnya nak mengadu domba sebab dapat groupmates ramai lelaki. Tapi,  bukan mengadu domba, kena perli/ceramah ada. Nabila, selalu sangat nak cakap kita peramah & friendly. Setiap kali BBM pun asyik nak cakap benda sama je.

Nabila : Husna, semua orang nak hai Husna bila jumpa. Kita tak pun. Entah tahu nama atau tak. (buat muka sedih)

Me : kannn? tapi kita tak tahu nama diorang pun. Sedih.

Nabila : yelahhhh, Husna peramah, friendly, senyum bila jumpa orang. Name it. The Indians, Rajeev, Jeevan, Raj, Feyyas, group budak lelaki yang duduk belakang semua tahu nama Husna. 

Me : Aiyoooo. (Rasa bersalah dengan diri sendiri)

Nabila : Sekarang ni, (special sem tak sama kelas) dalam kelas pun ada orang tanya kita mana Husna. Seeeeee, dorang kenal Husna okayyy! 

Me : Kita duduk diam je dalam kelas kot. -____-'

I still remember the advice from my mother setiap kali before balik Uni. "Cuba jadi peramah sikit macam emak ni. My students, the foreigners especially love to be friend with me. You? berapa kerat sangatlah kawan tu. Dah kenal semuanya".

Me : -______-' Tapi kawan uniten emak belum kenal lagi. 

Mom : Nabila, Atiqah, Ainnur. Cukup tiga sebab you all selalu balik sama.

Me : ha betullah betullah.

Thus, for things to change, I MUST change first.