Going out with someone you're not going to marry?

Hi, blog!

I was at Muadzam and this week was my first weekend living in Muadzam on this special semester. Whoaaa. Such a big achievement. I have workshop to attend, actually. My twin, Alia really hope that I was able to attend her event. It was Grooming and CV writing workshop.

Anyway, since this weekend is the last week of March and April is approaching, I have story to be share about this coming month. This could be my first, if I choose to go on with the plan. It is something that I cannot brain at first. Yes, looking from the topic above, to going out with someone you're not going to marry. I have that dilemma right now. Help me T___T'

It is begin when I start to know someone who is 10 years older than me, a man (malay, of course) and living in Iraq because he is working there. He start working there last three years, If I'm not mistaken. I know him since last November. We still contact up till today. Well, my dilemma is he ask for a meet up. I never do this after living for 23 years in Malaysia. Hahaha leuls. He wants to meet me on April. Yes. He is going back soon. I was indecisive right now. *crying* I don't even have the guts to tell my mom about this even I already told my mom that I was chatting with someone yada yada and mom was ok.

But then, he ask for a meet up.

He : Are you available on April? Let's meet up. I'm going home soon.

and...

I was like "Am I going to meet him? I don't even know him after all". 
(of course I know how he was like. Tall, dark & not handsome) Kahkah.

During that time, I answered him with lots of excuses. "Errr I don't know. I was busy with my final semester and my schedule was pack. I'm not sure if I used to be home every week, after this. This could be the right time to spend with my friends and sight seeing around Muadzam." 

Yes. You can capture when someone give lots of excuses. But then, he knows that I was creating lots of excuses. Hahaha. He was like "I have to meet you and making time to meet. Must." krikkrik

This is sad. I am bad at dating. Kahkah. I have a difficult time understanding how other people manage to date people they know they aren't going to share their lives with. Sure, it’s nice to have someone in your life, but having the wrong person in your life doesn't add to it, I guess. Heee

I understand sometimes, people lie to themselves or avoid accepting the relationship is hopeless, but most people know exactly what they’re doing and do it anyway. I don’t have the patience. I don’t like pretending like I enjoy spending time with someone when the truth is I’d rather spend it with friends, family or with myself alone. I am the so called introvert person. I don't like people. I mean it.

This could be a nightmare for me. I am indecisive right now. Indecisive. Haihh :'(

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The point is : Dating someone you know isn't right for you and honestly a waste. Yes, it’s nice to have someone to talk to and support you when you need. Yet, at the end of the day, you’re not going to be happy. You know you’re not going to settle for this person, and it’s eating both of you up as well as the relationship.